I was 11 years old in 1980 when I stayed up, with my mom, to watch the Academy Awards for the first time. I went to bed tired and dazzled. I remember going to school going the next day vowing I be there some day.
I be like Rita...
Like Halle and Denzel...
But what happens to Dreams when Life takes you in a different direction. Now, I understand the words of Langston Hughes from one of his most famous poems called Harlem.
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
My husband had a dream to finish college. Jake, born at 28 weeks, needed various therapies to help him. I deferred my dream for my family. As many mothers and fathers have done before me. Here at Swanofdreamers, I'm all about seeing the good in everything. I still do. Jake is in a special ed Kindergarten class and doing well. Sean is scheduled to graduate at year's end and become a counselor for people who have drug and alcohol issues. That is the good I see.
Honestly,it has been painful for me at times. I work on my monologues. I've looked at photographers to plan who I will take my new headshots. I think on the promise I gave Christopher. I am buoyed by my husband, my close friends and my mom who all are not even thinking of me giving up acting. That I can take up where I left off. So dreams do explode. Then you have to decide whether you let them lie on the ground destroyed or do you pick them back up to reshape your dream to where you are at now.
These are the 11 Black Actresses who have been nominated for Actress in a Leading Role. They are Dorothy Dandridge, Cicely Tyson, Diahann Carroll, Diana Ross, Whoopi Goldberg, Angela Bassett, Halle Berry, Gabourey Sidbe, Viola Davis, Quvenzhané Wallis and Ruth Negga. Ruth is nominated tonight for her role as Mildred Loving in Loving. Halle Berry is the only one to have won so far.
Will one day I'll be part of this list? Will I win one? I use to want it so much. For now, I want to get back to acting and work in my craft. I am open. I am hopeful. Whatever your dream was or is. It doesn't have to stay buried. I am 48. I am actor. I'll always be an actor.