Sunday, February 26, 2017

You ain't see the best of me yet...

I was 11 years old in 1980 when I stayed up, with my mom, to watch the Academy Awards for the first time. I went to bed tired and dazzled. I remember going to school going the next day vowing I be there some day.

I be like Rita...

Like Sidney..

Like Halle and Denzel...

But what happens to Dreams when Life takes you in a different direction. Now, I understand the words of Langston Hughes from one of his most famous poems called Harlem.

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

My husband had a dream to finish college. Jake, born at 28 weeks, needed various therapies to help him. I deferred my dream for my family. As many mothers and fathers have done before me. Here at Swanofdreamers, I'm all about seeing the good in everything. I still do. Jake is in a special ed Kindergarten class and doing well. Sean is scheduled to graduate at year's end and become a counselor for people who have drug and alcohol issues. That is the good I see.

Honestly,it has been painful for me at times. I work on my monologues. I've looked at photographers to plan who I will take my new headshots. I think on the promise I gave Christopher. I am buoyed by my husband, my close friends and my mom who all are not even thinking of me giving up acting. That I can take up where I left off. So dreams do explode. Then you have to decide whether you let them lie on the ground destroyed or do you pick them back up to reshape your dream to where you are at now.

These are the 11 Black Actresses who have been nominated for Actress in a Leading Role. They are Dorothy Dandridge, Cicely Tyson, Diahann Carroll, Diana Ross, Whoopi Goldberg, Angela Bassett, Halle Berry, Gabourey Sidbe, Viola Davis, Quvenzhané Wallis and Ruth Negga. Ruth is nominated tonight for her role as Mildred Loving in Loving. Halle Berry is the only one to have won so far.

Will one day I'll be part of this list? Will I win one? I use to want it so much. For now, I want to get back to acting and work in my craft. I am open. I am hopeful. Whatever your dream was or is. It doesn't have to stay buried. I am 48. I am actor. I'll always be an actor.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Shell, yesterday, Sunday, February 26, 2017, I had the opportunity to see THE Rev. Yolanda perform her "Church with a 2 Drink Minimum" at the Sidewalk Cafe. While there, I had the opportunity to witness the Magickal Miracle Manifestation of two Miracles for which I had previously stood.

Frankly, when Robert Alvarez, the Psychic Witch, stands for a Miracle, that Miracle Manifests. It has no other choice. I do not even begin to entertain the thought of even entertaining the thought that it might not manifest.

As far as I AM concerned, your dream of being a successful, multi-award winning actor is a dream that is going to manifest. You and too many others have poured so much Divine Love and Divine Energy into that Dream for it not to do so.

And so, with that, I, Robert Alvarez, Zachariah, the NightFalcon, Sacred Son of Auset and Pan, stand for the Magickally Manifested Miracle that you, THE Shell of Swanofdreamers, live your Divine Dream and your Divine Life Purpose of being a Sacredly Successful, Angelically-Assisted, multi-award winning actor, living in Oceans of Opulence, Waterfalls of Wealth, Seasons of Sacred, Spiritually Uplifting Success, and truly Transformative Triumphs.

You are a Living Goddess of Stagecraft, and you have spent too much time, money, and Energy not to manifest yourself as an actor that receives accolades from both humanity and the Divine.

I once went to an Angelic Healing Meditation, focusing on anchoring Abundance. The facilitator asked everyone to give him our definition of Abundance. Not surprisingly, Mr. Prosperity was the last one to answer, and after a brief moment, I said, "Having it all."

I invite you to simply and sublimely have it all. The success, the paying gigs, the home with your Divine Consort, Jake, Miss Jet Beauty, the friends, the parties, the vacations, the shopping sprees (boys and girls, the word of the day is "Bendel's"), as well as the clients who honor who you are what you do as a Radiant Reader of Sacred Oracles, so that you not only have plenty of Prosperity to use, to share, and to spare, but also have a life that is beyond fulfilling, beyond dreamy, beyond successful, and beyond transformative for the lives of all with whom you come into contact.

May every Celestial Being that you love and adore Re-Mind you of your Beauty, your Strength, your Power, your Compassion, your Wisdom, and your Talents and Abilities, and may you shine so brightly that you would win awards simply because the number of intelligent people determining who receives these awards increases en masse.

In closing, I need to acknowledge that I no longer watch awards shows, and have not done so for several years. Frankly, I got sick and tired of the politics and of seeing supremely talented people not receive awards that they so richly desired and deserved. However, if you were up for an award, I would be like,"Later, bitches, THE Shell is up for an award, and you know she is going to win at least three tonight, so I cannot meet with you, because I have a Sacred Play Date with my TV!!"

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