Friday, October 8, 2010
I do my best to keep Swan of Dreamers as close
to me how I really am in life. By nature, I'm glass half
full kind of woman.
Yesterday, my boyfriend, Anakin, challenged me with
love to say what is really bothering me. Then
it came pouring out of me beyond financial and personal
worries. Grief: deep, muddy and thick.
As some of you know and for new readers, January 2009
one of my best friend died unexpectedly. In the past
couple of months, I feel like I have truly accepted
his death. I guess I thought I was okay. I had passed
some imaginary mark. I've been like a bull just barreling
my way through stuff because that's what I do get through things.
Last night, I realized I can't. I'm still grieving.
I'm angry, hurt and not sure which way is up sometimes.
Why I am writing this? Even with the beauty, joy
and good of life, there is pain. The only way
we can heal is to deal with it even if it takes
you to dark places.
Honestly, I haven't wanted to go there for a while.
I have to again. I have to keep going back to my
grief until it's all spent. Until I can think
of my friend and it not rip at my heart.
This weekend, I'm taking time to be with my
grief. Remember my friend even if I have to
cry my eyes out to do so.
If there is someone out there, who is grieving.
I want to let you know you are not alone.