Big Dream

I have to be honest. I have been getting my ass beat. Yes, I know it's Mercury Retrograde. I'm getting fed up, folks!! Today, I got a e-mail about a independent film that I had got a callback for. I didn't get part. I know an actor's life is 85% rejection. I'm not kidding. Somedays, I can laugh it off. The laughs are few and far between.I keep going because I'm stubborn and I cling to the belief these setbacks are just temporary.

Now, you notice the picture of the ladies up there. I call them The Seven. They are part of an exclusive club. They all have been nominated for an Academy Award for an actress in a leading role. Halle being the first to win. I started watching The Oscars when I was 11. From that point on, I had a dream that one day I be there and be first African American actress to win the award. Of course, Halle beat me too it!! So I'm shooting to be the second African American actress to win.

That is my big dream. The ultimate goal for me. I think you need a big dream withing your regular dream to use as a guiding star. Even with all the rejection and feeling weary I keep going because My big dream comforts me in hard times. What are the odds of me actually being an Academy Award winner for lead actress? Han Solo said it best when he told C3P0 in The Empire Strikes Back: "Never tell me the odds."

The seven:
Dorothy Dandrige: nominated from Carmen Jones (1954)
Diana Ross: nominated from Lady Sings The Blues (1972)
Cicely Tyson: nominated from Sounder (1972)
Diahann Carroll: nominated from Claudine (1974)
Whoopi Goldberg: nominated from The Color Purple (1985)
Angela Bassett: nominated from What's Love Got To Do With It? (1993)
Halle Berry: winner from Monster's Ball (2001)

Paul Newman

A movie star with the soul of a character actor. Paul Newman had grit and depth that belied his handsome face. He is made acting look so easy. Only great ones can do that. I found wonderful quotes on acting from Paul on imdb. I think it says much more about him that I can ever write. As I wrote about Christopher Reeve, it's hard when artists you adore die; but, They live on in the movies they leave behind. May Paul rest now in the bosoms of angels.

Acting is like letting your pants down - you're exposed.

Every time I get a script it's a matter of trying to know what I could do with it. I see colors, imagery. It has to have a smell. It's like falling in love. You can't give a reason why.

I really just can't watch myself. I see all the machinery at work and it just drives me nuts.

Study your craft and know who you are and what's special about you. Find out what everyone does on a film set, ask questions and listen. Make sure you live life, which means don't do things where you court celebrity, and give something positive back to our society.

I'd like to be remembered as a guy who tried - who tried to be part of his times, tried to help people communicate with one another, tried to find some decency in his own life, tried to extend himself as a human being. Someone who isn't complacent, who doesn't cop out.

Friday Fun

It's a perfectly rainy day with gray clouds floating overhead. I love rainy days. They are very romantic and magical to me. It's Friday. I want to have some fun. Keeping up with the birthday theme of yesterday. I have for you a clip from one of my favorite shows: The Muppet show. Enjoy.

Happy Birthday Mark and Chris

I just came back from my walk. I'm still hurting over yesterday's disappointment. It's going to take me a while to get over this. As they say in my business, the show must go on. I had to do a birthday this post on my two special men born on the same day.

When I was a kid in the 70's, there are two movies that made such an impact on me. It was Star Wars (1977) and Superman (1978). I fell in love as much as you can as a little girl with the two stars : Mark Hamill and Christopher Reeve.

When I saw Star Wars, I was totally transfixed. I was instantly devoted to Luke Skywalker. Mark Hamill was to me the cutest boy I ever saw on the big screen. My love of Luke extended to the talented Mark. I followed him beyond the Star Wars Trilogy. Watching him in Corvette Summer, Big Red One, The Lights Went Out in Georgia to name a few of his other movies. Mark is now known as The King of Voice Actors. If your watch any animated series or movie today he is probably in it. Best known for his wonderful voice acting as The Joker in Batman: The Animated Series. For a Mark Hamill fan like me, it sucks never getting to see him in front of the camera. I still hope that one day he can do one of the Law and Orders or CSI. I did get the pleasure to meet him at a book signing. He was so sweet and wonderful to me. That made my whole year. Mark at 57 still has my heart.

After Star Wars, I figured there would be no one else for me except Mark Hamill. Then I saw Superman. Christopher Reeve was so tall, handsome and dreamy. Just as I did with Mark, I followed Chris beyond Superman. Watching him in movies like Somewhere in Time, Monsignor,and Mortal Sins. I was in awe of the way Chris dealt with being paralyzed. I really believed he would walk again because he believed it so firmly. I was heartbroken when he passed in 2004. I did get a chance to see Chris close up at the 20th anniversary of one of my favorite films: Somewhere in Time. Though he was bound in his wheelchair, he still was my Superman. He would of been 56 today.

I send much love, kisses and birthday wishes to my Mark and Chris. Though Chris isn't here anymore, I know he's looking down and smiling.

Be water my friend

I was scheduled to do my first commercial in October. It was a huge deal for me. My agent broke the bad news to me about two hours ago that the deal fell through. So I'm feeling sad and disappointed. I'm doing my best to find the bright spot. There has to be something right? I love this quote from Bruce Lee and made me think of how I need to see this.


"Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way round or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.

Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend."

Jedi Training

Since July, I have been in what one of my friends call: Jedi Training. I love walking; I feel it's one of the best form of exercise. I did it religiously then stopped two years ago. Dancing around my room wasn't enough to keep in shape for me. Wide open spaces, blue sky above and fresh air is what I craved the most. So I picked up my my sweats, t-shirt and mp3 player to hit my local park to walk. My original goal is to release unwanted weight. Right about now I'm down to a size 16 again. My personal goal is to be a size 12. I want to be at a weight that I can maintain in a healthy manner.

The great benefits from my training have been not only those juicy endorphins making me glow. Walking in the morning through sunshine or rain, I feel connected to The Force. I like to think of The Force as God. You can think of it what ever it means to you. The insights and ideas that bubble up from walking have helped to make my life more creative and smooth.

Week by week, my body, mind and spirit are getting more defined. Jedi Training is a must. You never know when a Darth will come out of nowhere to challenge you. I like to be as Luke says "Ready for anything."

Autumn's Entrance

Bright Pumpkins, crunchy red-golden leaves, thick comfy sweaters, spiced apple cider, crisp windy days are all signs of Autumn for me. Today is the official first day of Autumn; also the day when there are equal amount of sun and stars. Balance of the light and the dark. Then the days will grow shorter, as night lengthens. The shorter days make me savor the sunlight more. The longer nights makes me appreciate the stars, the moon and the quiet of the night. I welcome Autumn's entrance with open arms. I wish for all of us a creative, healthy and fun season.

T.G.I.F.

YES!! It's Friday. I have rehearsal later on today and filming this weekend. It is a beautiful day in The Bronx. Big fluffy white clouds sailing in the blue sky. The air is crisp. I hope everyone had a great week. If not, hey it's Friday. You have the whole weekend to have fun or relax. To start off the weekend right is one of my favorite commercials. I dedicate this to all the cat lovers and cat herders out there. Never heard of a cat herder? Well watch this video to learn what that is. Enjoy.

Happy Thursday

Happy Thursday everyone. I'm happy because it's my favorite day of the week. It is a sunny and autumny day in New York. I'm about to go out and do errands.I had to write about tonight being the season premiere of one of my favorite shows: Supernatural!! Last season closed with Dean in Hell and Sam determined to find a way to get his big brother out. The season premiere is tonight at 9:00 on CW. I have no idea how they are going to get out of this. However it goes down, The Winchester brothers always do it on the seat of the pants with scares and laughs combined. I have to admit I miss Papa Winchester played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan. He was a hottie too. I can't be the only Supernatural fan out there, so if you love Supernatural too let me know.

Michael and Me

One of my favorite actors, Michael Caine, wrote a wonderful book called Acting on Film. What I love about it is that Michael is honest and real in his writing about the craft of acting and his life. One of my favorite quotes from the book is this:

"I did as many films as I could to get the experience. If you sit around waiting for "the big one", when that opportunity finally comes along, you won't be ready for it. You won't have all that small time experience that adds up to big time ability. Success, it may surprise some to hear, come from doing, not negotiating, not counting lines, not weighing credits. Do it, do it, don't wait for it."

There is more to the quote. You get the idea. I have taken Michael's advice to heart. I have made it my business to work as much as possible. I also pick projects that I actually enjoy as well. Currently, I'm working on a student thesis film that is going to film on Friday-Saturday. It's a quirky short film; The director plans on submitting to film festivals.:) I had a callback on Saturday for an independent film called Lucid which is all about dreams. I have my fingers crossed that I get the role. In August, I worked one day on a short comedy film.

I feel even if your not an actor, Michael's advice applies to whatever creative field you are in. So listen to Michael: Do it, Do it, Don't wait for it!"

Harvest Full Moon

Did you know Monday get it's name from the moon. Moonday became Monday. I love it. Tonight is the juicy Harvest Moon. This moon always appears the largest of all the full moons of the year. This Full Moon has numerous names: Wine Moon, Singing Moon, Leaves Changing Color Moon, Apples Ripening Moon, etc. Tonight wherever you are look up and smile up at The Harvest Moon. If you feel the need to dance, flirt, write, meditate, make love by moonlight, go for it. Full Moons are a magical time where anything can happen. Have fun.

Something Sweet for Sunday

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds. You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life. Also nostalgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

DreamThought #2

Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! - Auntie Mame (1958) starring Rosalind Russell.

7 yrs later..

As a native New Yorker, I pride myself on being able to deal with anything. It's the way New Yorkers are raised. I was getting ready for an audition on 9/11 when the first plane hit. At first, I thought it was just an accident then when the second plane hit I realized New York had been attacked. I was lucky. Because I was still home in The Bronx when it happened. A few of my friends were downtown and one friend about three blocks from World Trade Center. Everyone I knew came out physically unscathed.
The weeks after you heard stories of a friend of a friend who died at WTC. Once you hit Union Square on 14th street, there were flyers posted of pictures of loves ones lost. Families still trying to find them or putting a memorial to them. Even now, when I go to lower Manhattan. The skyline is curiously empty. Where WTC stood is an unnaturalness to the void that lays there. My heart goes out to those lost in New York, D.C. and in the planes that were commandeered. I shall never forget that day, I'm sure many of us never will.

This is the first stanza of the poem: Death Shall Have No Dominion by Dylan Thomas. It feels appropriate on this day.

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead mean naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

My Story- 100th post

This my 100th post. Wow! I wanted to say Thank You to all of you. Those who leave wonderful comments full of love, kindness, warmth and fun; and, all my silent readers who rather just read than comment. I still feel your love as well.

Swanofdreamers was born out of my personal chaos. I just broken up with my fiancee, Anakin, (that is not his real name but what I call him sometimes). Yes, he did sometimes call me Padme. :) After the breakup, a tidal wave of creativity poured out for both of us. A tremendous amount of energy was spent on trying to make our relationship work. Energy that was needed elsewhere in both of our lives. I was at the point that it was hard for me to go audition or send out my headshots for acting work. This isn't Anakin's fault or mine, it just happened.

Once Anakin and I parted, our creative lives blossomed. This isn't to say there wasn't broken hearts or tears. Of course, there was. Sometimes the best choices for us is the hardest to do. Swanofdreamers became my refuge from all the drama and hurt in my personal life. With each new post, my life started to flower again. I see clearly that the output of creativity is linked to our lives. If your feeling like you can't create, blocked or have no courage to do the next step. Just look at what's going on in your life. Because if we are unhappy or sad in our personal lives it is going to be challenging to go audition, paint your sketch, bake a new recipe or write lyrics for your music.

I've learned to be more balanced in my life. To keep my creative energy flowing. To not sacrifice my personal energy on situations or people that I need to let go of. Anakin and I are still good friends now. That is a testament to our bond. There are times when the past rises up and I'm sad for what is lost. I remind myself of all the wonderful things I have gained. I have this place I carved out where I can share my creative life with all of you out there. In turn, you have all shared your creative lives with me. I am grateful for that honor. I say Thank you from the bottom of my heart.



PS. I sometimes forget not everyone is a Star Wars fan like me. Anakin and Padme are the lovers from the Star Wars prequels (Episodes 1-3).

Happy Friday

I had a great day. I tried to do something outside of my comfort zone. It didn't work, but I'm glad I tried. Sometimes knowing what doesn't work for you is just as important as knowing what does. I have been compiling a list of videos on YouTube to keep me feeling and thinking hopeful and motivated. This is one of the videos I came across. It is funky and positive all at the same time. Right up my alley. Enjoy. Have a wonderful Friday evening.

Autumn Plans

Before I start, I have to just get this out. I missed the 2 hr season premiere of Bones last night! I thought it was coming back on next week! Okay, I know it's just a t.v. show. Bones is one of my favorites along with Supernatural, Pushing Daises, Medium. I'll get over it by day's end.

Now, back to my scheduled writing. You know the saying if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Well it's true. I'm not really a daily to do list kind of woman. I do like to make seasonal plans. When the seasons turns, I give myself the whole season to accomplish the things I want to do. This way the pressure is not so intense and I don't get overwhelmed. It also makes my life more interesting. It keeps back all the doubts and muck that swirls in my head from time to time. Having plans keeps me focused, active and hopeful.

My Autumn Plans:
Get new headshots.
Keep walking 3-4 times a week
Feed my spirit daily with positive and uplifting music, books, videos, etc.
Create more artistic opportunities for myself.

What are your Autumn Plans? Or if you haven't made any, you still have a lot of time to think on what you want them to be. Don't chuck some of those summer plans that slipped away from you, they can be brought into the new season as well.

Sharing

The first thing you see when you come to Swanofdreamers is all the colors and the pictures. I do my best to have my blog to reflect me as accurately as possible. In my bedroom, on one of my walls there are pictures and quotes. It is my inspiration wall to keep me focused and motivated. So that's where the idea of all the pictures here came from.

Carmen my new blog friend asked me where I got the dolphin that is jumping up on the right side of the page. I wanted to share the answer with all of you. After I write my blog posts, I always take a happy trip to Glitter Graphics. They are chock full of pictures, texts, layouts and gifs, etc. I search around till I find the right picture I need for my post. This is a warning. You can spend way too much time over there which I do frequently. Now, stop reading and go on over. I'll be here when you get back to finish the rest of my post. Let me all know what you think of the place. Glitter Graphics never disappoints. I always find what I need.

If you have any cool places you know that you use for your blog please let me know.

New Things

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Labor Day Weekend so far. To all those in Gustav's path, my prayers are with you.

Creativity is a path for me. Sometimes you get inspired to try new things that may seem at odds with who you are. I say follow the path where it leads. Maybe this new thing you have whispering to you to try late at night is where you need to go. On Thursday, I read how Darius Rucker, lead singer of Hootie and The Blowfish has left the band to start a solo career. He's doing Country Music. Maybe he wanted to do that for years. I don't know. I love that he decided to follow his path. I saw the video and I like the song. Wanted to share. Enjoy.