Monday, March 31, 2008

Haven


I love rainy days and gray skies. There is something magical about a rainy day that makes my mind alive with ideas and fancies. If I lived somewhere else perhaps in the countryside, I would don a long cloak and go walking in the rain. Think over my life and all the things yet to do.

Today, I don't have time for romantic rambles. I wish I did. I must confess the optimistism of Friday has given away to the moodiness of monday. There was a haven I went to when my world wasn't good. I was safe and comforted there. Nothing bad could ever harm me there. This weekend my haven was breached. It became cold and dark. Now, I am bereft of it.

So today, I'll walk in the rain going to work. I will mourn for my haven deeply but I must keep going.

Friday, March 28, 2008

A Difference A Day Makes

Thursday which is my favorite day of the week, didn’t turn out so good. I was just a mess. Realizing I didn’t get that role on Law & Order: SVU that I wanted. Worried about my mom, keeping myself interested at work, thinking about bills I have to pay, etc. So by day’s end, I was about to put on my Vader gloves and force choke anyone who stepped in my way.




Today, I woke up. It’s Friday. Though I’m currently working six days a week now, still it’s Friday. My bad mood disappeared. A good’s night sleep can make a girl feel on top of her game. I decided to let go of everything that is bothering me. I can only do so much.

I decided to revel in what makes me happy right now which is:

My hair freshly done and smelling sweet.

I watched an episode of The Tudors: I love that show. It is full of intrigue, passion and drama. Season two starts on Sunday. Peter O’ Toole is coming on as Pope Paul III.

Speaking of Peter O’ Toole, I love to spend a day just hanging out with him. I watched him on the Tonight show that I taped. He is charming, witty and full of stories. Every time I see he has me laughing. He is just a character. If you get a chance to see him on a talk show, watch it. He is something!!

Finally, it’s Friday!!! I know I said that before but it needs to be repeated. And the weekend is here. It’s the little things that keep me going. Whatever disappointments come, there is always something I can find that makes me feel happy. Some days it’s a bit harder that others. Life is an adventure, right? I’m sure trying to live like it is.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Pink Champagne

My love for old films goes back to weekends with my mom when I was little. When we spend a whole day watching old movies. She tell me all the names of the stars. The share what other movies they were in and the memories she had of watching them as a girl. One of the best things about cable is Turner Classic movies aka TCM. I get to watch old favorites and find new ones to enjoy.

On Sunday, I watched Love Affair (1939) starring Irene Dunne and Charles Boyer. Now I heard about this film because it was remade in the 50's as an Affair To Remember with Cary Grant & Deborah Kerr, which was referenced heavily in Sleepless in Seattle. Then a nineties version with the original title with Annette Benning & Warren Beatty. I have to see the these other two versions, though I have a feeling it won't equal up to the original for me.


With that all said, if you love old romantic movies you have to see this. It is a bit of a tearjerker. Irene Dunne and Charles Boyer sparkle on screen together. Irene Dunne is quick witted and vibrant. And Charles Boyer is all playful and debonair. I'm not really into bad boys but his oh so bad boy charm had me from the beginning of the movie. It's a lovely film. Funny and warm. All I could say is after seeing the movie I want Pink champagne. You won't understand that until you watch the movie. Then you will be ordering that too.

Seriously, you want to forget the world for ninety minutes. Watch Love Affair from 1939.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Waiting

Yesterday, I had an audition for a favorite t.v. show of mine. It has been one of my acting goals to be on it. So I went in to read for two roles. The casting director was so cool. When I finished, I could float away. I did my best and now all I can do is just be patient. That is the part of an actor's life, too. Waiting patiently for the call. And if you get it, all right!! Green light. If you don't, well you keep on stepping. Know you did your best. Hoping you made an impression on the cd and maybe they call you again for another role. Yes, I'm the eternal optimist. I have to be. Life can be challenging. I rather ride it with a smile and hope.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Road we come from

When I was a kid, I thought being an actor I get to play people so different from me and my life. As I started acting and training, I realized I was wrong. About a year ago, I got cast as a mother in an independent film. First, she is 20 years older than I am, makeup took care of that. That wasn’t the real issue for me. The mother was abused woman and allowed her daughter be sexually abused by her husband. Now, that is so not me. Or any of the women I know in my life.

So I was trying to find what I call the hook of the character: Something that links me and her together. So I went back to the dialogue again and again. In one scene, the daughter is trying to talk to the mother and the mother kept shutting her down. Pretending like everything is okay, smiling when she wanted to scream. The mother reminded me of a relative of mine to the tee. Bingo! That became the hook. That’s How connected I to the mother. When it came time to film, I was able to do it. Because I had a real person I could draw on for inspiration to make the mother I embodied alive for me. It was emotionally draining experience but I felt good after it was done filming.

It cemented for me that everything I experience from childhood to now fuel my acting. I understood how my relative remained aloof but inside she had a lot churning inside that she wouldn’t let others aware of. Made me wonder of all the stories and feeling she locked away inside in fear. I am reminded that I have to use it all the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful in life to make characters and ourselves alive.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Blair


I love Blair Underwood. You want to know why? I have never seen him give a bad performance. He pops up in movies and TV show that I didn’t know he was in: Something New and DirtySexyMoney. When he comes on, I’m smiling because I know he is going to give his all in each role.

I have been watching him on the HBO show “In Treatment” which I love headed by the wonderful Gabriel Byrne. I look forward to the Tuesday show which has Blair Underwood playing Alex, a Navy pilot haunted by a mission gone wrong in Iraq. Alex is intelligent, intense and arrogant at first glance. It is when you go beneath the surface do you get all the pain, anguish and vulnerability. Blair just holds my attention and I’m riveted. Each week, it’s always a surprise. It takes a committed actor to go deep within. Blair does this and more.

We’ve always knew how good Blair is, right? L.A. Law, Set It Off, Sex and The City to name a few. The love scene between Blair and Jada Pinkett-Smith in Set It Off is one of my top ten favorite movie love scenes.

He also co-wrote the book Casanegra: A Tennyson Hardwick Novel with Tananrive Due and Steven Barnes. I read it over the summer and it is a great book. It is a stylish and steamy thriller.

So give love to Blair Underwood. Don’t sleep on this amazing talented and handsome actor. He is an overlooked treasure.


Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Night

Being an actor is having a gypsy lifestyle. So many of us love our craft but are not making enough of a living from it. Last year, I did better from supporting myself from acting. I look forward to this year being even better. When auditions are not happening, yes it's time to temp.
I have a data entry gig that I started last night. I'm working the night shift. I love it. Midtown after dark is a different place. Quiet and pensive. Trash on the street and people seem to walk a bit slower. I had my headphones on walking to the 6 train to go home. When I got on the 6, automatically the old Glenn Frey song "You belong to the city" came on. It fit so much how I was feeling. I was full of longing and yearning for many things.
I arrived home a bit tired but glad money is on it's way to me soon. That the temping is another way to fund my life as an actor. For life is nothing without a dream. Langston Hughes said it best:

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Wordless Wednesday: Spring